Each day is an adventure for Mike Huckabee. Some days he’s all happy and a-slappin’ the bass and whizzing off churchy jokes to his elderly fan base, other days he’s angry as a constipated cockatoo in search of the great release. (Other days he is a leading possibility for President of the United States of America, but hopefully those days are over.) What’s his fucking problem now? Something about “morally repugnant political whores,” one of the more redundant phrases out there. READ MORE »
Oh that is nice, Randall Terry, the pro-life activist and “Democrat” who beat Obama in 242 percent of the Oklahoma Democratic primaries this year, has a new website, and he is inviting the “child-killers” at Your Wonkette (along with the cool dudes at RightWingWatch and the humorless nags at Jezzy) to come join him for a virtual beer!
This is awkward because Your Wonkette once made a very clever Heathers joke about Randall Terry loving his dead gay son, but then it turned out Randall Terry’s gay son was actually dead, and Your Wonkette had a brief and unwelcome (not to mention “unfamiliar”) bout with utter shame. Then we got over it, because there were children around that hadn’t yet been murdered. A woman’s work is just never done! READ MORE »
Those Obama love letter excerpts that Vanity Fair ran a couple of weeks ago were the best thing that happened to low-end wingnut grifter consortium World Net Daily since forever — it gave them a new opportunity to call some new Obama thing totally fake, because… well, look at them, they’re clearly bullshit. Letters. Pfft. Why won’t the mainstream media spuriously declare them fake? Because they don’t have the brains of a Doctor Jack Cashill, the supreme linguistico-syntactical Indiana Jones of wordsleuthery and anti-truth discovery who’s most famous for pointing out that Bill Ayers wrote Dreams from My Father. Cashill argues that Obama couldn’t have written those letters, because (a) UMLAUTS? (b) he doesn’t like Obama (c) they don’t sound at all like the writing in Dreams from My Father, which, again, Obama didn’t write, but still. READ MORE »
The last few years has been pretty much a nonstop ride of positive safety PR for the nuclear power industry, right? I mean, this is an technology that absorbed an enormous earthquake and tsunami and barely even killed anyone/left whole towns uninhabitable/terrified the world. Nuclear power couldn’t even bring harm to erstwhile Wonkette scribe Jack Stuef! So really, why should Americans be spending our precious tax dollars on making our own nuclear power plants safer, when that money could be diverted to more pressing needs (tax cuts for billionaires, hott new missile defense systems, capital gains tax cuts … just spitballing here). But don’t worry, we don’t need those gridlocked crumbums in Congress to make these important decisions, since they were already put into place by updates to obscure federal regulations six months ago.
Oh dear, it seems James O’Keefe’s latest masterpiece on vote fraud, in which he totally caught University of North Carolina not finking on “Democrat-friendly election fraud” when faced with GOP kids bragging about how they double-voted GOP, may have just the teensiest inaccuracy in it: dude O’Keefe said was dead, and whose ballot his henchman was given anyway, is not in fact dead, because zombie voodoo. How do the fine folks at MediaMatters know this? Oh, it was in the unedited version of the video is all.
O’KEEFE: We found ballots being offered out in the name of the dead. One man, Michael Bolton, had died April 23, but apparently the Board of Elections didn’t get the memo, and his ballot was offered to us on May 8.
In the ensuing video clip, an O’Keefe operative at a polling place tells a poll worker, “The name is Michael G. Bolton.” There is then a jump cut, and in the next clip the poll worker is telling the operative to sign or make an mark in the pollbook to affirm his identity. The operative then says he would feel more comfortable if he could show his photo ID, and leaves.
Something very important happens during that jump cut. As the raw video reveals, the poll worker says, “You must be a junior? … Michael G. Bolton, Jr.?” to which O’Keefe’s operative responds: “That would be correct.”
Hey teens! Are you ready for the most magical night of your lives, when you will go to Manitou Springs City Hall and dance like you are pretending to do butt-sechs, and then later you will finally lose your stupid virginity in a haze of Bartles & Jaymes? That’s right, PROM NIGHT!
Well, two chaperones did not think much of your “slutty, whorish, trashy” ways, and so they ran around the dance calling you sluts and whores, calling the cops on you, and then spraying you with Lysol. “It cleans the air,” but can it clean your chlamydia?
As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom). A female student reported the spraying to police, saying that [Jennifer] Farmer and [Hannah] Rockey said that some dancers “were advertising butt sex.” The chaperones, the girl told cops, referred to her and her friends as “sluts and whores” and “dirty.”
Why is hero Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, recently seen bitching that the governor’s three-times-median-household-income salary just isn’t enough cheddar, being blamed just because his awesome economic policies of “fire everyone” have made his state plumb last in job growth? (Koch economic policies are obviously THE GREATEST economic policies, and every state should have more of them.) Does not everyone understand that if this is not Barack Obama’s fault, then it is the fault of the Union Thugz he fired, for protesting him? (That is a true thing Scott Walker said: that the mighty Wisconsin protests last year caused businesses to have “uncertainty,” thus forcing them to fire all their workers and flee the state.) Well, since nobody will believe him about that, Scott Walker has decided to do things a little more out-of-the-box: instead of being enslaved by these fuddy-duddy old-and-busted Department of Labor statistics, he is going to make up his own! So now his employment numbers will be slightly above zero, instead of slightly below! Does this change everything? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. Tell us about it, Forbes! READ MORE »
Haha, here is a “funny” video from Governor Sammiches, Chris Christie, about how he is so jealous of perfect angel Newark Mayor Cory Booker, last seen breaking and entering into a burning building and abducting the woman therein. Except that it is actually funny? It’s okay dudes, you can still hate him afterwards. Nobody’s here to take your spite from your cold dead hands.
Why was New Hampshire Rep. Steve Vaillancourt so upset in debate over a proposed voter ID law? UNCLEAR. Except that House Speaker William O’Brien “restricted what he could address.”
O’Brien had restricted what Vaillancourt could say about the full bill, saying that he could not reference the House Election Law Committee’s discussion, only the issues presented in the committee report.
Well who died and made William O’Brien Hitler? READ MORE »
It is hard to know who is less popular in Wonkville: lunatic hippie Rielle Hunter, or her tousled-locked boy lover, John Edwards. It is also hard to know who is less popular in the Young household — the Youngs being the couple who agreed to fake the husband’s affair with Hunter (and paternity of Edwards’ sex mistake) to cover for the once-and-future veep and Supreme Court justice, and who now seem to be having all the fun in the world testifying against him.
We are not sure what Rielle Hunter being a total asshole has to do with John Edwards’ campaign finance violations, but prosecutors are not skimping on the details. For instance!
[Cheri] Young described, too, how she and Andrew wrote several checks, including one for $8,000, to help Hunter pay for her spiritual adviser’s services. Hunter, she said, even called in the adviser for help when she complained, at a Colorado diner, that her Reuben sandwich had the wrong sauce.
But what kind of sauce was the wrong sauce for a Reuben sandwich? READ MORE »
Yes, friends, your beloved election girlfriend and California GOP candidate for U.S. Senate Orly Taitz has finally found the time don a suit of medieval armor, sit down with a tank of nitrous oxide pilfered from the dental office supply closet along with one hundred cigarettes and then take alternating puffs on each until she came up with her very own campaign video. You must now watch it. READ MORE »
Now look here, whiners. The tearful consternation over the United States executive branch’s special new indefinite detention superpowers over any human Earthling including its own citizens that it can pin down long enough to slap a “TERRORIST” sticker on his forehead and haul him away at its very own special Pope-caliber hyper-infallible discretion — it’s very touching, but House Armed Services Chairman Rep. Buck McKeon and his merry band of Bush administration demons have put out a scary letter to remind you that due process is a “reward,” not a right as you might have believed, in error. READ MORE »
Americans Elect, the organization that tried to get America to nominate a centrist third-party candidate using the futuristic World Wide Web, has basically admitted defeat. Yes, in America, an idiot can become president, but a well-meaning yet mysterious group of people who took the time to actually get on the ballot in 27 states cannot make a website that actually works. Via Politico, the Americans Elect organizers said Tuesday that, basically, Americans are very interested in nominating a third-party candidate, yet when we say Americans we really mean the 18,000 or so Americans who were able to use our website without wanting to stab themselves in the eye. “There is…an almost universal desire,” said Kahlil Byrd in a statement that appears on the website, “among delegates, leadership and millions of Americans who have supported AE to see a credible candidate emerge from this process.” “Millions,” that is optimistic. Anyway, it looks like there is technically a “leader” in all this, and his name is………………Ron Paul. Jon Huntsman is in second place with a whopping 3,834 votes, followed by Bernie Sanders and in fourth place, BARACK OBAMA. READ MORE »
Yeah, we were there for “LAME DUCK ’10.” Time of our lives, man, time of our lives. The gays got their military, the U.S. and Russia decided not to nuke each other for another few years, some nutrition or FDA dongle was passed — it was a lot of congressional activity! (Also too, there was that gross tax cut deal, but nevermind that.) What mediocre mixture will we get out of this year’s lame-duck session? How about long overdue ANNIHILATION OF THE REPUBLIC! Because they’re planning on doing the Bush tax cuts and the debt ceiling, then. And let’s not forget some solution to the previous debt ceiling deal’s major cuts to everything, forever, that are already in the pipeline lest a compromise can be found. Can Congress please just admit that it’s not capable of solving all (or any) of this in the lame duck and hand it off to Hitler already, like the Germans did in the 30s? At least that guy could make decisions. READ MORE »
